For many, the Christmas season comes with volunteering time, donating money and food, spending time with friends and family, deepening spirituality, attending parties and social gatherings, shopping, giving gifts, decorating the house, baking, eating, and so much more. For some, the season can be a time of joy and peace. For others, it is a time of constant stress, anxiety, and triggers. Those who struggle with disordered eating or eating disorders often panic around the holidays because so many gatherings and events are centered around food. This additional anxiety stems from lacking control around the eating experience and being pushed beyond the comfort zone of disordered eating behaviors and routines. Anxiety is often layers deep, including the fear of the unknown eating experience/menu, fear of standing out in front of others, fear of being uncomfortable and awkward, and fear of being identified and labeled as different. The food component often makes the entire holiday social event unpleasant for an individual who struggles with disordered eating.
At Unbound Recovery, in Manhattan, KS, registered dietitians work with individuals on how to cope with the food part of social events so that they can feel more comfortable attending and enjoying the events. One of the key pieces of eating disorder recovery is food flexibility and practicing letting go of rigidity and rules around food. Individuals work on giving themselves permission to eat all types of food in moderation and allowing themselves to enjoy the foods that they eat. We provide reminders that there are no good or bad foods, just foods that serve different purposes and all foods fit into a healthy lifestyle. We also remind clients that one day or one week of eating will not negate an overall healthy lifestyle. These messages help individuals build a healthy relationship with food and the holiday season. Don’t get me wrong, Registered Dietitian Nutritionists want you to be healthy and well; we just understand that to be healthy and well doesn’t mean completely restricting foods that you really like. An overall general healthy eating routine with added in fun foods that you truly enjoy helps build a great relationship with food, helps nourish the body and soul, and create overall wellbeing.
It is also important to remember that the holiday (whichever one it may be), is truly just another day. The food is just food; it doesn’t morph into a villainous creature out to get you. Food eaten on the holiday provides nourishment to your body just like any other day, and just like any other day, your body knows what to do with that food. Your body processes it to be used as energy so that you can function and enjoy all of the other holiday activities. Given the holiday is just another day, try to treat it like any other normal day with your eating routine. You do not have to compensate by restricting other meals so that you can enjoy a family meal. Restriction prior to a gathering often leads to overeating during the gathering. It is also important to have flexible thinking too. There are no set of food rules that you must abide by in order to be healthy. Letting go of the rules, often leads to a more pleasant eating and overall experience. For example, if you want to eat dessert, enjoy the dessert. If there are a lot of foods that you want to try, allow yourself permission to put a small portion of your favorites on your plate. If you don’t like a food, you don’t have to finish it; you can leave it on your plate. If you are still hungry, you can get seconds. If you are full, you can stop eating. If you feel uncomfortably full, remember that it is only a temporary feeling; your body knows what to do and that discomfort will dissipate. Remind yourself, that one meal isn’t going to make or break any situation.
Fear of fullness can be difficult for many who struggle with eating disorders. Another strategy you can use with the holidays is mindfulness, by staying attuned to hunger and fullness cues; savoring the flavors, aromas, and textures of food; and taking your time with the eating experience. Mindfulness helps with meal satisfaction and reduces the urges to continue to seek out food. You can also practice mindfulness with the social experience surrounding the meal too to reduce your focus on the actual meal. Sometimes focusing more on the social aspect, conversations, and friendships can reduce the anxiety around the food and assist in building other meaningful connections in your life.
One of the most powerful strategies you can use is saying “No.” If you are finding yourself extremely overwhelmed, tired, and anxious by all of the gatherings during the holiday season, it is ok to politely decline some of the invitations. You have to determine what is best for you and will protect your recovery. Sometimes resting and relaxing is exactly what you and your body need. Self-care activities are extremely important. Take a bath or shower, watch your favorite Holiday movie, or have a low key night in playing your favorite board game with your family. It’s ok to say “no.”
The Dreaded Comments from the Unaware
In our society, we often think it is appropriate to comment on what others are eating, and/or their appearance. Many times individuals ask how to handle comments from others during holiday gatherings. They want to handle the situation in a way that won’t upset others, but also will protect themselves and their recovery journey. For those who struggle with eating disorders or disordered eating, these potential comments cause a significant amount of anxiety around the holidays. These comments may be out of good intention or meant to be funny, but they are actually harmful and can be damaging to someone’s personal recovery journey and/or body image healing. Are you wondering what types of comments could actually be harmful? Examples include:
"That’s all you’re eating?”
"You need to put some meat on your bones”
"If you are such a great cook, how do you keep your nice figure?”
"You are so much skinnier than you used to be.”
"You need to eat more than that! Do you not like my cooking?”
"Go get some more dessert; you could use a little extra”
"You’re going to eat all of that? You must be hungry.”
I usually tell clients that no harm is meant by the comments, but they still are inappropriate. We will usually discuss how individuals who have not had similar struggles with eating or body image often are not aware of the complexities of eating disorders. It is not simply a choice to eat more or less. To overcome eating disorders, it takes significant counseling and therapy to overcome the thought processes, behaviors, and co-existing conditions that come along with eating disorders. Many are uninformed and thus they may even think that their comments are helpful. Many clients say that they smile and try to move on, but the comments often stick with them for a long time and can cause them to question their recovery process. Smiling and moving on is the polite “people pleaser” in us and easiest response to keep the peace. Often when we do this, it signals to others that their comments are ok, didn’t leave a mark, and/or are funny. None of which are true. If this response is the only one you feel comfortable with, it is ok. You can simply walk away, take a minute to yourself, and make the commitment to yourself that you will not let the comments impact your recovery. It may also be helpful to have a conversation with someone who you trust to help reinforce your recovery goals. I do encourage you to think of other responses that provide polite and direct feedback and that these types of comments are damaging. When clients ask me how to handle these types of comments, I usually ask “How snarky and sarcastic do you want me to get?” For anyone who knows me well, I usually like to keep the peace, but sometimes my sarcasm will allow my mind to contemplate snarky responses. For example:
"Oh, my figure that you are so weirdly interested in, is a ‘gift’ from my eating disorder."
"Ok Karen, maybe you should just pay attention to your own plate."
"Oh, I didn’t know you were prescribing meal plans for everyone."
Eyeroll. "Goodbye."
I usually opt for the more polite responses to help keep the peace with family. Depending on how comfortable you are with sharing information about yourself, there are a variety of responses that are polite and direct. For example:
"Those types of comments are really not helpful for me."
"Eating occasions are more difficult for me and these comments are not helping."
"We all have different nutritional needs, and I am trying to do what is best for my body"
"Your comments are not helping me in my recovery."
"Instead of passive aggressive comments, let’s have a conversation about my recovery so you better understand how very difficult this is for me.”
As a side note: If you are attending gatherings, it is best not to comment on what others are eating or their appearance. Holiday gatherings are not the place to start these sensitive conversations in front of others. If you are worried about someone, asking them to have a private conversation about your concerns at another time may be more appropriate. And when you do have these conversations with them, having appropriate resources available can be helpful. Remember, Unbound Recovery Registered Dietitians and Therapists are here to help!
At Unbound Recovery, we have immediate openings for outpatient nutrition counseling services and therapy services. We specialize in working with adolescents and adults with eating disorders, disordered eating patterns, body image concerns, chronic dieting, self-esteem concerns, and more. Call us today at 785-510-3008 or email us at info@unboundmhk.com to get started. Currently, we are accepting new clients at both our Manhattan, KS and Topeka, KS Locations!
About the Author:
Amber Howells, PhD, RDN, LD
As a Registered Dietitian Nutritionist (RDN) at Unbound Recovery in Manhattan, KS, Dr. Amber Howells enjoys working with individuals to restore their relationship with food, while helping them achieve overall health and wellness goals. She is a Kansas native and resides in Manhattan, KS with her husband and five children.
